Away Team,
Just updated my personal blog. Coincidentally, I'm using the same post title because the song played while I was writing both (on separate occasions).
Life. I'm getting tired. And with everything that's happening in the world, I have this nagging feeling that we're all gonna die sooner than expected. I'm being morbid, I know. I've always been morbid but more so now. I'm delaying plans to get pregnant only because I'm afraid of bringing a child into this dying world. Well, that and because I don't have anyone to make babies with. HAHAHA.
I'm also feeling stuck. There have been two opportunities that popped up last April and July but nothing pushed through. I tried managing my expectations but my hopeful and desperate heart was strong. And so heartbreak happened. I think I've 95% moved on now. The remaining 5% has that little flickering hope that their timelines have just been delayed. But I need to put that behind me before I fly to Osaka (in 10 days!!). I desperately want to leave my current job, but I feel like I'm not desperate enough. Or I'm bordering apathetic, which I refuse to happen again. It's been a very dangerous emotion for me two years ago. I need to get my shit together without losing patience on myself, a thing I need to constantly practice. (Lord, give me the strength and wisdom)
So there, a snapshot of how I am currently.
HOW ARE YOU? You've been MIA since June. I hope there's some progress with you, life-wise and work-wise. I miss you. I always do.
Don't forget me,
Home Team
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
Monday, November 27, 2017
Here Come The Regrets/Lost One
Away Team,
I miss you. Plain and simple.
I wish you were here because I have so much on my mind and these are things that I can only talk to you with.
We've both been through a lot the past few years we've been apart but I think 2017 is just the worst for both of us, so far.
I'm thankful to be surrounded with friends who are supportive and caring about what I'm going through. But it's still not the same because they aren't you. I still need to filter what I have to say because some of it they might not understand. Only you can understand everything. We have our own language, right?
My thoughts are still so much scattered but I just want to say that I miss you.
And that I'm tired. (Not kill-me-now tired. Just tired.)
I love/hate my job. I like/hate my boss. I don't know anymore. I've been reflecting on my life decisions this year and I don't exactly think they're very good.
Home Team
P.S.
I actually want to be Home-Away-From-Home Team again.
I miss you. Plain and simple.
I wish you were here because I have so much on my mind and these are things that I can only talk to you with.
We've both been through a lot the past few years we've been apart but I think 2017 is just the worst for both of us, so far.
I'm thankful to be surrounded with friends who are supportive and caring about what I'm going through. But it's still not the same because they aren't you. I still need to filter what I have to say because some of it they might not understand. Only you can understand everything. We have our own language, right?
My thoughts are still so much scattered but I just want to say that I miss you.
And that I'm tired. (Not kill-me-now tired. Just tired.)
I love/hate my job. I like/hate my boss. I don't know anymore. I've been reflecting on my life decisions this year and I don't exactly think they're very good.
Home Team
P.S.
I actually want to be Home-Away-From-Home Team again.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
[Teaser] THE MIX THAT WAS FOUR YEARS TOO LATE
Away Team,
So I did mention that I was going over our chatlogs from years ago and realized that we never got around to making a mix for this project. Well, I obsessed about it yesterday and from a measly 6 songs, it suddenly ballooned to 103 (and counting). I still need to edit the list (which I am having so much fun doing, by the way) but I'm excited to have you listen to its entirety. I have no idea how to insert audio files here so let me figure that out first.
Okay, I don't have enough time to figure it out so a youtube vid will suffice. Consider this a teaser of sorts.
Enjoy The Ride - Morcheeba feat. Judy Tzuke
"With the moonlight to guide you feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive
And the night that you got locked in was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows just enjoy the ride"
I hope you like it! ~^^
Home Team
So I did mention that I was going over our chatlogs from years ago and realized that we never got around to making a mix for this project. Well, I obsessed about it yesterday and from a measly 6 songs, it suddenly ballooned to 103 (and counting). I still need to edit the list (which I am having so much fun doing, by the way) but I'm excited to have you listen to its entirety. I have no idea how to insert audio files here so let me figure that out first.
Okay, I don't have enough time to figure it out so a youtube vid will suffice. Consider this a teaser of sorts.
Enjoy The Ride - Morcheeba feat. Judy Tzuke
"With the moonlight to guide you feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive
And the night that you got locked in was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows just enjoy the ride"
I hope you like it! ~^^
Home Team
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
This Time Is Over (I SHIPPED KREN)
Away Team,
SHIT HAPPENS! 2nd day back to work and I still
don’t have much to do and since I couldn’t find any good fics to read, I
decided to go through our chatlogs on.
AND IT JUST MADE ME MISS YOU MORE. On the
other hand, it reminded me of things I’ve forgotten we discussed. Like how
Chanyer is a Park-Choi hybrid and our SMTown family tree and how this blog was
conceived. Also I did not know I shipped KrEn before. And the brain twin
moments, how I miss it terribly. X years after conception, none of us still has
won the lottery (although I am hoping to get lucky on Sunday) so it’s not like
we can go tell work to fuck it and leave just yet. The chatlogs also made me listen to old B1A4
songs, just because. XD
Looks like I’m always triggered to post whenever I revisit
our old conversations. We hated 2014 and 2016 because there is not a trace of
those years in here. I don’t really have anything substantial to say but I felt
the need to write because I feel bad that this space is being neglected. /sobs/
I do want to use it more often, for reasons and purposes we’ve
already discussed prior to creating this.
Anyway, can we plan a vacation together? Like just the two
of us so we can roam around and eat and hang out at cafes to talk about everything
and nothing. Like we did in Taipei except hopefully we’ll have more money to
back us up this time.
I miss you.
Home Team
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Archive of our own
Away Team,
Bonjour ssap ssari wa yo!
First things first: promise to flail with me till we're old and wrinkly. (Note: just so we don't forget the trigger for this: BOLERO INCIDENT)
Actually, that was the only thing I wanted to write down until I saw some of the old posts and realized we kept this space quiet for the entire 2014 and this is the first post for 2015. (We did see each other 25 days ago and were on our own for 4 days in another country!!! And technically, we are now 4186 miles away from each other.)
A lot has happened since then (you graduated and got a job, I moved to another country and went back to being a student. We basically switched.), and 2014 was a hectic and I guess overall a crazy year for both of us. But I am glad we are where we are right now. I haven't seen you for more than two years but seeing you again and talking to you a month ago, I realized that nothing has changed between us. We still talk freely about our emotions and still flail like we're teens. I may have missed the chance to tell this to you face-to-face but I am extremely proud of what you've become. I know it's not exactly where you'd want to be but it's a necessary step for learning and growing and I can say that you have matured so much more because of it. You've become more responsible with your self and your finances and your overall outlook in life. I know there are still moments when you get sad because of things I wouldn't even mention anymore but know I am always just one viber message away. I still have a year to go in school (again!) but I am so excited to finish it and save up to see you! Then we can go and see the world together!
(I lost steam since this wasn't supposed to be a lengthy post and I'm just typing this up on my phone. Lol. But I hope I (we) can update this more often.)
I love you and missya metcha lot!
Home (away from home) Team
Bonjour ssap ssari wa yo!
First things first: promise to flail with me till we're old and wrinkly. (Note: just so we don't forget the trigger for this: BOLERO INCIDENT)
Actually, that was the only thing I wanted to write down until I saw some of the old posts and realized we kept this space quiet for the entire 2014 and this is the first post for 2015. (We did see each other 25 days ago and were on our own for 4 days in another country!!! And technically, we are now 4186 miles away from each other.)
A lot has happened since then (you graduated and got a job, I moved to another country and went back to being a student. We basically switched.), and 2014 was a hectic and I guess overall a crazy year for both of us. But I am glad we are where we are right now. I haven't seen you for more than two years but seeing you again and talking to you a month ago, I realized that nothing has changed between us. We still talk freely about our emotions and still flail like we're teens. I may have missed the chance to tell this to you face-to-face but I am extremely proud of what you've become. I know it's not exactly where you'd want to be but it's a necessary step for learning and growing and I can say that you have matured so much more because of it. You've become more responsible with your self and your finances and your overall outlook in life. I know there are still moments when you get sad because of things I wouldn't even mention anymore but know I am always just one viber message away. I still have a year to go in school (again!) but I am so excited to finish it and save up to see you! Then we can go and see the world together!
(I lost steam since this wasn't supposed to be a lengthy post and I'm just typing this up on my phone. Lol. But I hope I (we) can update this more often.)
I love you and missya metcha lot!
Home (away from home) Team
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Letters from the Sky
Away Team,
How cool is that? I always use the title of the song I listen to as the post title and coincidentally, it's Letter from the Sky (althought Letters TO the Sky would be more apt, don't you think?)
But alas, I digress. I came here because it has been a habit to check this place whenever I run out of blogs to read (and a part of me secretly hoping that you're doing your job and updating this from your part of the world). You haven't but I totally understand. I just wanted to say that I miss you and I miss talking to you. I miss your hugs which I think I could really use right now. There's so much I want to tell you and much more inputs that I'd like to get from you about life and maybe love. LOL. Why don't I have enough money to buy a freaking ticket just to see you and get lost with you? :( I am basically word-vomiting but I am admittedly in a funk and would love your sound judgment on things that's been bothering me. I want a change. And that change would probably mean leaving my comfort zone in more ways than one. I'm kinda scared you'd forget about me. Is that silly? :(
Anyway, I just really miss you! Btw, thank you for the call on my birthday. It's one of the highlights of my day. That and another wake-up call from Manila from you-might-know-who. ;) yay, calls from different timezones to another timezone is what birthday calls should be partially made of. But different timezones still make for a rather melancholic day. I am just babbling.
Miss you metcha lot!
Home Team
How cool is that? I always use the title of the song I listen to as the post title and coincidentally, it's Letter from the Sky (althought Letters TO the Sky would be more apt, don't you think?)
But alas, I digress. I came here because it has been a habit to check this place whenever I run out of blogs to read (and a part of me secretly hoping that you're doing your job and updating this from your part of the world). You haven't but I totally understand. I just wanted to say that I miss you and I miss talking to you. I miss your hugs which I think I could really use right now. There's so much I want to tell you and much more inputs that I'd like to get from you about life and maybe love. LOL. Why don't I have enough money to buy a freaking ticket just to see you and get lost with you? :( I am basically word-vomiting but I am admittedly in a funk and would love your sound judgment on things that's been bothering me. I want a change. And that change would probably mean leaving my comfort zone in more ways than one. I'm kinda scared you'd forget about me. Is that silly? :(
Anyway, I just really miss you! Btw, thank you for the call on my birthday. It's one of the highlights of my day. That and another wake-up call from Manila from you-might-know-who. ;) yay, calls from different timezones to another timezone is what birthday calls should be partially made of. But different timezones still make for a rather melancholic day. I am just babbling.
Miss you metcha lot!
Home Team
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
OK, WE CAN!
Away Team,
I don't really know why I suddenly had the urge to write and write and write since July rolled in. I've updated my blog for two straight days (after leaving it to rot for almost a year) and now this. And I don't even know how often you still check this and I don't want to nag you. But that's a good thing, right? The writing, I mean. Sadly, still no fics though.
I'm being a sentimental fool yet again and I've just read all 12 posts in here. I guess I just want an outlet? :p I'm at a point in my life (again? Or maybe this is constant? I don't know.) wherein I'm not sure where I'm going next. It's like I'm stuck and I don't think I have options available to steer me to where I need to go. It's not a dead-end either. I'm just in the same place and not moving forward, sideways, whatever. Truth be told, I am tempted to try my luck there (ssshhh, this is top secret stuff). Not for anything else but just to save up so I can travel all over the world. Kuya said I'd thrive there if that's my goal and that it'll be easy. Saving part yes, not the work that comes with it but that's normal. Don't expect any coherence in this post, I'm just word-vomiting as I go.
I'm not sure I'm enjoying my job as much as I did before. All I want to do is go home on-the-dot or just daydream about the weekend. I feel like I'm too afraid to take risks. I think that as we take on more responsibilities, we tend to stick to our comfort zones and that's what cripples me. I easily left my job before and wasn't that worried that I'll be a bum for God-knows-how-many months and I survived! But now, the thought of leaving this hive floods me with questions; what about the house? how are you paying for the bills? how will you help your parents? what the fuck are you gonna do? how you can be a productive member of society?. I hate it! But at the same time, I know sticking to this is the responsible ADULT thing to do. Not the going away to someplace else, gypsy-like, and just see where the wind takes you. But I want that. Maybe it's still the kid in me. Or the escapist in me.
Currently, I feel like I'm just floating through the days. I've not sat down and really thought about my next move yet. Maybe I'm being evasive about it. Or I'm just thinking too much. But I know I owe it to myself to figure this out SOON.
Let's go to happy things!
I think I already did that one crazy thing a person is allowed to in her lifetime. Or maybe not. I don't know. Yeah, maybe not so crazy because crazy = leaving this all behind right? Or is it? hahahaha! I'm not making sense.
Ok, I said happy things! Happy birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :D I'm glad I was part of the midnight surprise. It's still feels like I'm with you guys. :) Also, Bakajin's birthday is today! Except I don't buy cakes for him anymore. Hhhmmm, I can't think of new happy things except for the constant ones in my life right now. My happiness is sort of just half-filled these days. Generally happy but not out-of-this-world happy. pffft, I sound like a party-pooper.
Ooooohhhhhh, got my grad school documents after 17 months of letting it rot at our Registrar's. Then went to Binondo last Tuesday for lunch and fruits shopping and then tea time at UPD. I LOVE days like those. Just chill and spontaneous and fun.
Shit, I can't think of other happy updates. i suck! OTL.
Anyway, got anything to share? :D
Told you this is incoherence at its finest,
Home Team~<3
I don't really know why I suddenly had the urge to write and write and write since July rolled in. I've updated my blog for two straight days (after leaving it to rot for almost a year) and now this. And I don't even know how often you still check this and I don't want to nag you. But that's a good thing, right? The writing, I mean. Sadly, still no fics though.
I'm being a sentimental fool yet again and I've just read all 12 posts in here. I guess I just want an outlet? :p I'm at a point in my life (again? Or maybe this is constant? I don't know.) wherein I'm not sure where I'm going next. It's like I'm stuck and I don't think I have options available to steer me to where I need to go. It's not a dead-end either. I'm just in the same place and not moving forward, sideways, whatever. Truth be told, I am tempted to try my luck there (ssshhh, this is top secret stuff). Not for anything else but just to save up so I can travel all over the world. Kuya said I'd thrive there if that's my goal and that it'll be easy. Saving part yes, not the work that comes with it but that's normal. Don't expect any coherence in this post, I'm just word-vomiting as I go.
I'm not sure I'm enjoying my job as much as I did before. All I want to do is go home on-the-dot or just daydream about the weekend. I feel like I'm too afraid to take risks. I think that as we take on more responsibilities, we tend to stick to our comfort zones and that's what cripples me. I easily left my job before and wasn't that worried that I'll be a bum for God-knows-how-many months and I survived! But now, the thought of leaving this hive floods me with questions; what about the house? how are you paying for the bills? how will you help your parents? what the fuck are you gonna do? how you can be a productive member of society?. I hate it! But at the same time, I know sticking to this is the responsible ADULT thing to do. Not the going away to someplace else, gypsy-like, and just see where the wind takes you. But I want that. Maybe it's still the kid in me. Or the escapist in me.
Currently, I feel like I'm just floating through the days. I've not sat down and really thought about my next move yet. Maybe I'm being evasive about it. Or I'm just thinking too much. But I know I owe it to myself to figure this out SOON.
Let's go to happy things!
I think I already did that one crazy thing a person is allowed to in her lifetime. Or maybe not. I don't know. Yeah, maybe not so crazy because crazy = leaving this all behind right? Or is it? hahahaha! I'm not making sense.
Ok, I said happy things! Happy birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :D I'm glad I was part of the midnight surprise. It's still feels like I'm with you guys. :) Also, Bakajin's birthday is today! Except I don't buy cakes for him anymore. Hhhmmm, I can't think of new happy things except for the constant ones in my life right now. My happiness is sort of just half-filled these days. Generally happy but not out-of-this-world happy. pffft, I sound like a party-pooper.
Ooooohhhhhh, got my grad school documents after 17 months of letting it rot at our Registrar's. Then went to Binondo last Tuesday for lunch and fruits shopping and then tea time at UPD. I LOVE days like those. Just chill and spontaneous and fun.
Shit, I can't think of other happy updates. i suck! OTL.
Anyway, got anything to share? :D
Told you this is incoherence at its finest,
Home Team~<3
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