Prelude: D-14 (or is it 15) days

Away Team,

You came home from fetching your dad from the airport and one of the first things you told me was that it finally dawned on you that you're leaving and you can't do anything about it. I'm not exactly sure it it was a good or a bad thing so I veto that it's a neutral feeling. Anyway, I just realized that as the days pass and your departure starts to stare us right in our faces (with the hugeass suitcases and endless shopping for supplies), we've learned to embrace the change and actually start to get excited about the idea. Over tea last night, we were already talking about the routes you have to take to get to uni, the pains of house-hunting and just over dinner tonight, your dad started talking about the prospects of life in Brisbane.

Right at this very moment, I don't know how to feel about this anymore either(neutral, as I say). But I'm pretty sure that whatever appropriate feelings we need to convey will manifest itself on D-day. ;) Meanwhile, let's make sure we finish this mind-blowingly awesome family tree we've had in our heads for years (plus the new branches it has sprouted over the past few months) and translate it into something tangible while we still have the time.

P.S.

HOW IS OUR MIX GOING?

P.P.S
Just so that I won't forget, tell me how grad school is in Oz when classes start. You'll never know. ;)

Love,

Home Team

Prelude: How do you fit your life inside two suitcases?

05-21-2012
Home Team


How do you fit your life inside two suitcases?


This question has nagged me since I started to try and pack my things last week. I felt a mixture of dread and excitement (but mostly dread) as the bags start to fill up. Shirts, pants, and shoes are crammed into see-through plastics and Ma told me that I've got most of the necessities already; nothing that a few more hours in the mall or Divisoria wouldn't fix.


Necessities. Are these all that I need in order to live my life? I took a deep breath and shooed the thought away. I was thinking that I still have time to mope around later. I don't need to go all emo when I still have a month to go. But apparently I might leave in around 20 or so days, and I need to face this overwhelming feeling at the pit of my stomach (and of course, because you're nagging me to write the draft. ihu).


Looking at my bags again, I realized that there's too many things that I'd be leaving behind - things that I don't know how to live without. One of those things would be the LED TV in the living room. I wonder if I'll be able to fit it in my bag if I dismantle it? If I bring it, it means that I can still lay in front of it for hours. I'll watch the horror movies that the whole household loves to watch; the ones that make me race up the stairs and refuse to brush my teeth or use a blanket when I sleep. Then, I'll watch the romantic comedies that make me bust my gut and wish that I had a boyfriend; the action blockbusters that make sit at the edge of my seat and force my mouth hang open in awe; and the korean dramas that make me love the guy who won't get the girl and hate the girl who's trying to snatch away the boy. Lastly, I'll watch the videos of the people that I have come to love for more than a decade, people that make me squeal and spazz until everything feels right and bright in the world.


But on second thought, bringing the TV will be useless. It'll still be different. There will be no running commentary on the stupidity of a particular scene or the fugliness of a certain character. There will be no flailing and no rambunctious laughter to make the whole house feel alive. There will be no fishballs and fries and kettle corn popcorn and milo (which I still can't make myself btw). There will be no you. You - who I have spent almost a decade with; who I spend hours talking and philosophizing about anything and everything with; who thinks in the same wavelength as me; who laughs on things that no one else (sometimes our siblings will though) will understand; who knows the real me the most. You wouldn't be there to take up 2/3 of the bed. You wouldn't be there to share my happiness and sorrow. You'll be 3615 miles away. You won't be in another planet but you'll feel worlds away.


It's a good thing that you're thin so you'll probably fit in one of my suitcases but I'm not going to bring you. Even though I can't imagine how to live my life without meeting you at least once a month, I know that this move is something that we need to make our dreams a reality. I always envied how you can live your life freely. You know what you want and how you can get it. Eff everyone who says otherwise. You'll still do it. But me? I'm stuck in a high tower of some sorts, feeling every bit of a Rapunzel. I can only dream and gaze at the world through my monitor. This time I have the chance to be free from the loving clutches of my family and live a life free of unreal expectations and judging eyes. It might not be perfect and I'll probably make a lot of mistakes in the way. But this is something that I need to do by myself.So I'm going to act mature for once and not cling at you nor cry my eyes out (I'm not crying yet. The wetness in my eyes are not tears. It's the effect of opening your eyes all Chanyer-like). I'm going to make you proud of what I'll become in Oz. Just promise me that you'll keep on updating the blog. And that you don't go to much around the world while I'm on a travel ban (don't you dare go to EU without me). And that you won't stop being as awesome and as crazy as you are now. And that you'll do that one crazy thing that each person is allowed to do in their lifetime.


I'm not going to say goodbye. Nor am I going to miss you. I'll be strong so I wouldn't. Not your bone-crushing hugs (which is actually your bones crushing my body. XD). Not your whole being. We'll still be able to talk anyway. I even bought Skype credit so that I'll be able to call your phone when I need to. We'll still see each other, eventually. We'll all be together (with Yoochun and Donghae and Jinyoung the whole fandom), eventually. 


And you're right. There are still a lot of planning and talking to do. So get your ass in Quezon City so that we'll be able to. I'll see you soon? (like in 5 days or so because Kuya's back and there's no way that you guys are not going home this weekend. :p)


Love,
Away Team (who is not away yet)

Prelude: OK, We Can!

05.16.12

Away Team,

Counting down the days even if I don’t really know exactly when you’re leaving (and officially be called the Away Team). It just sucks that you have to leave at a time when there’s so much to talk about our common interests (or at least a few of the long list that we share) and when we still haven’t figured out how to go about with the rest of our days. Come to think of it, there are always a lot of things to talk about between us. J Anything, everything and nothing at all. We both have so many plans for our future, together and apart, and it seems like 9 years isn’t enough to really talk about it or even plan it all out.

I just talked to you on the phone yesterday about realizations I’ve had about the fandom we’ve been sharing for the past 8 years and I know I’m being overly emotional about it but I guess it had to do with the fact that you’re also leaving and I just want to cling to you through it so we can share so much more in the coming days. But I know it would also be selfish of me not to let you go on (and it’s not as if I have a say in it. :p). Oz would be a great opportunity for you, academically and just with your life in general. It’s a chance to start a clean slate, something I’d (we’ve) been yearning for a long time. Something that we’ve talked about, in bits and pieces, in numerous ninja conversations we’ve had over the past few years. We both crave to be in a place where no one knows about our history and to be able to be given the chance to do things over, live the life we want for ourselves without pre-conceived judgments from the people around us. And I’m glad you have that opportunity. I want you to grow; something that I don’t think you can fully do here. And so, with a heavy heart (sobs), I watch (and listen) as you fit the life you’ve lived here for the past 20 odd years in 2 large suitcases and fly 3615 miles away from home(me).

I remember when you first told me of your plans to move, (you called me at work, in case you don’t remember)  and I’m pretty sure we were both choking up by the end of the conversation. It was just an idea floating around then. But nevertheless, the idea of being in two different continents is heartbreaking. For the few more days, we were down until we felt that it was ok to breathe easy again because it looks like it was not happening anymore. But alas, the day came and everything seemed final. Your acceptance to QUT(did I get the uni right? FML. I fail!), IETLS exam results, getting your suitcases and visa. Yes, this is really happening. It is both a welcome change and a scary but exciting experience, for sure. And I guess there’s another good thing that this event brought about, *cough3615milescough*.

This is a long-winding goodbye but it all boils down to this: I will terribly miss you. I will miss the hugs, the 5-hour long conversations about everything; our coffee talks and philosophical discussions about the fandom; the jokes you and I can only understand. And although I know we won’t let things change between us, honestly, a part of me is still scared that the distance can some be detrimental to us. And I guess I am thankful that we have this. This little part of the interwebs where we can pretend we’re still right next to each other (I’m sorry but my playlist is killing me. Halfway through the letter it played Nell’s Slip Away followed by Bolero which is playing in my ear now. /sobs) or just an hour bus ride away instead of being continents and timezones apart. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up crying when the time comes (hopefully a weekend) and we need to see you off at the airport. I’m sorry that we can’t spend as much time together as we can while you’re still here. Work is in the way! LOL.  There’s still so much to talk about before you leave but I guess we’ll just work it our here, right? That’s the master plan! :D And this isn’t even goodbye yet coz you’re still here and just a tweet, a text, or a bus ride away. And if all else fails, just remember: OK, WE CAN! :D

Love,

Home Team