AWAY TEAM,
First off, I must say I
love your post title. I think it’s one of my favorite words in the vocabulary.
Yeah, I’m certain it is, so GOOJAB! J
On your to-do list, I’m
pretty sure you can ace it. It might feel like you’re drowning in it now but
that overwhelming sense of relief after accomplishing everything will be worth
it. And yes, you and I both know that you are capable of doing those things. We
might freak out a bit and think everything’s too big of a task for us but it
isn’t. We are fighters, always remember that! ;)
Breakdown? Nah,
I think you just need a really good cry. (Something I haven’t done either since
you left but I know it’s different for us.) And since I can’t call you, I’ll
just have to call Mic and tell her to give you a great big hug for me. You have
no idea how much I want to personally give you one right now, especially after
reading your post.
I do understand that it’s
hard to post here given that you’re swimming in all these emotions and there’s
this challenge of adjusting to a new environment and all. Doesn’t feel normal
yet but I think evetually it will be. (Or we can just both move someplace else,
conquer another city. ;))
So you don’t need to be
sorry about not being able to post here and not being able to read anything up
until 2 days ago. Truth be told, I had this inkling that you were avoiding
posting here for that exact same reason you just said. Sure, you put on a smile
when we talk on facetime and I don’t know if I’m reading too much on your
expression but I see sadness and longing and I’m sure there’s always a tinge of
weariness there. Either I just know you too well or the situation’s too
predictable or both but I see that.
As much as I want you to
come home asap, I know that would be too selfish of me to egg you on that. I
want to hug you and talk to you about everything that’s bothering you so we can
make it go away or at least think of something to deal with it. To be honest, I
don’t go home to Fairview as much as I did in the past because although things
still seem to be just the way they used to be, the loneliness eats me up as
soon as I set foot on the gate because I know there’s no you or Mica to greet
me with a hug. And although there are times when we don’t exactly talk to each
other and just deal with our own things, it’s comforting to know that you guys
were just a few steps away from me, always ready to listen when I burst into
random rants and musings. That familiar comfort isn’t there now. It just isn’t
the same. And I miss you more when I’m there because I can turn the house
upside down and there still won’t be you. L
[updated my calendar in
the middle of writing this and I accidentally wrote your name instead of my the
one I’m having dinner with]
But it still breaks my heart
because you’re going through all these things and I’m left helpless because I can’t
do anything about it.
Crying is good,
therapeutic even. And if you wan’t someone to listen to you, even without
words, you know I am just a phone call away. Also, you know I don’t exactly
need a long-ass post from you. Just knowing what’s on your mind, even if it’s
just made up of fewer than usual words is totally acceptable for me. (As long
as it is done with love, which I know the one below is). And yes, I’m confident
you can learn to deal with this evetually.
Consider me hugged as well
as everybody else, as you requested. I am even stealing a few more hugs for
myself (just because I know I need/want them).
Looks like I just matched and answered every paragraph you wrote. :)
Ok,
my turn for updates!
Well, I
downloaded Atlantis Princess a few weeks ago because I realized it weirdly
reminded me of you. :) #memories And yes, it has become a nostalgic-happy song.
I'm
starting to get psyched about my trips which are 20 and 64 days away,
respectively. We never got the chance to go back to HK together so we need to
do that when you get back! :) I promise to post pictures of my trips here as
well as of the boys I am going to harass while I’m overseas. And you are
allowed to hate me for it (while not-so-secretly being happy for me too).
Keeping my fingers crossed that Eric is still in Disneyland and that he still
remembers me after 3 (6) years.
Uhm, I didn’t go see
SiHae when they were here but you already know that I wouldn’t really go
because it’s FFA and it’s basically having a death wish if I did. Also,
#elitistbitch.
OOOOOHHHHH, I DYED MY
HAIR SUNSET RED!!! Except we used the wrong oxidizing solution for the 1st
mix so it’s not exactly as red/orange as I wanted it to be and the pictures can’t
exactly capture the color. But I can wait 8 more months before I update it to
something REDDER. I AM PSYCHED!
Something tentative, a
friend offered me a free trip to anywhere for 7D/6N with her. Yes, anywhere. That includes
roundtrip airfare and 4-5 star accommodation. We’re eyeing Taiwan but no
definite plans yet but will happen within a 1-year period. We haven’t really
discussed it at length because I am still too awestruck to react. Will keep you
posted on this.
Although at this
point, I am still unsure of where I’ll be next year. Unsure in the sense that I
don’t know if I’ll still be in this job/company/country. No, I am not unhappy
with my job. It’s just that usually, around this time of the year, I already have
a clear view of where I’m going or what I’ll be doing the same time next year. But
this time, I am stumped. Heck, I don’t even have a list of countries to visit
next year or any booked flights for that matter. It is both frightening and exhilirating
because I think something big and awesome and mind-blowing and completely
unknown is coming my way. YES, I AM CLAIMING IT! #expectantfaith
So there’s your update.
I started drafting this post at 9am (my time) in between work and it is now 3:26pm. I don't know how to end this so i'll just go with this quote from one of my favorite fics from unlearned (because I suddenly thought of this exact line in the middle of writing)
"Like the safe place where you can slide down the door and look around and say, welcome back." #comfort
I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS MISS YOU! <3
HOME TEAM
HOME TEAM
P.S. I didn't call because I'm good but I did text you. :)
P.P.S. I seem to have left out a reply for the fic you were asking. Sadly, haven't written fic in ages. No plot bunnies and muses either. :(
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